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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
It’s a status….not your diary…