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Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
My new bumper sticker ... "Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
How many exercise/workout videos does a person have to buy before seeing results?