Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
Nothing says “friend zone” quite like a woman saying “you’re like a brother to me.” Unless you’re from Alabama.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page