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Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
I’m at the doctor’s office & they don’t know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I’ll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
you know it`s a good fart when it wakes you from a dead sleep and you pull a butt muscle at the same time.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
It´s never to late to be happy
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.