Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Not sure if people stopped saying YOLO or if everyone who said it died.
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.