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Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
The naked truth, is always better than someone’s best dressed lie.
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...