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I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.