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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.