Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t be afraid to laugh at yourself you could be missing out on the joke of the century.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
People: What a bunch of bastards!
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?