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Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?