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Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.