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I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
Wtf? I was always told to treat people the way I want to be treated.. Stupid sexual harassment charges pending.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.