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Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
It`s weird how after they couldn`t put Humpty Dumpty back together the King`s men were like "Let`s give the horses a shot at it"
You know its bad when you feel like your life is being directed by Quentin Tarantino.
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found
This silly farmers market doesn`t have any locally grown pizza.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.