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What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
Decisions decisions ... Guess I`ll drink on it.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
What do I look for in a girl? Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.
I`m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again. Does anyone have any new mistakes I can borrow?