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Just remember the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your talent
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.