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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
I was just awarded the first place trophy for laziness. All I need now is for someone to accept it on my behalf.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
A psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog’s IQ. Here’s how it works: If you spend $12.99 for the video, your dog is smarter than you.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...