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Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
My life coach is the cashier at the liquor store.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
One day we the women will rap the men lets see how they like it!
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
Did a 5k today. Except it was how many calories I had at lunch.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.