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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.