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All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.