Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
Going to tattoo shop to get both legs fully covered. Before he touches me with that needle, I run off yelling `thanks for the free shave loser!`
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!