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Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Don’t judge someone because they sin differently than you.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.