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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!