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If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
Thanks for accepting my friend request on Facebook, even though is was solely so I could gain full access to your profile and judge your life choices.
Lets watch a reality show about nasty rednecks acting like rednecks, but get mad when one of them says something a redneck would say
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
My new girlfiend is taking forever to exist.
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.