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Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I hate it when people dont know the differece between Ur and U`r
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
My box of animal crackers says "May contain nuts." So I`m inspecting each animal before I eat it...just in case.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know