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I put the o in illiterate!
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
It`s my birthday. Iām not just a year older, Iām also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.