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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
I wish I could just cut out the middleman and have the light honk when it turns green.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
Does the Lego movie come with a disclaimer "Some assembly required"?
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"