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I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
I`d like to thank (you know who) for the (you know what) I`ll talk to you later (you know where) and if I don`t (you know why).
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
Stop complaining about the rain. Cause rain makes corn and corn makes whiskey.
Pringles should make their containers like a Push Up Pop.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it’s time to get a job.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…