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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
One of these days I`m going to get help for my procrastination problem.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he’s too old for it.
Karma may "work" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe