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Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
I had been dreaming about eating a giant marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone! :O
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
Everyone hates performance enhancing drugs. Yet, everyone loves Captain America.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks