Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.