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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
Currently helping my girlfriend look for her chocolates that I ate 5 hours ago...
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
I never finish anyth...............
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.