Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
Legalizing same sex marriage. I thought all sex was the same after marriage.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again.
Whenever a wrong number calls me and hangs up I always call em back and tell them it was their loss because I`m really fun to talk to.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)