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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.