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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
It needs more cowbell!!
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.