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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
Have a day. That`s about as inspirational I get.
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
I will always love you, even if I have to from no closer than 300 feet.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
The trouble with bucket seats is that, not everybody has the same size bucket.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...