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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Roses are red vilouts are blue your moms beautiful what happened to you!
´s status message is better than yours
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
I got BOMBED last night and decided to do my own taxes and guess what! I`m getting 4 million dollars back this year!
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
I`ve been baptized five times this week in five different churches. I wish the landlord would hurry up and fix my shower.