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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
Thought I was having deja-vu. But it turns out, I do the exact same things every day.
My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?
There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?