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My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
Was disappointed when I watched the films Shaft, XXX, X-Men, In To Deep, Snatch, The Box, Free Willy. None of them were what I expected...
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
A man is as faithful as his options
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.