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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
My cat’s gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on YouTube.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.
Women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.