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Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
The iPhone 5S: Because the NSA wants your thumbprint now too.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..