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Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
This status update is a test. It is only a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you would not have been notified.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.