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If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
I talked to my mom, and she said she probably hadn`t had sex with any of you guys. Damn dirty liars.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
Dear God, I´ve been very good today, no grumpy thoughts, no swearing and I haven´t been mean at all, but I´m about to get up now and I may need your help :)
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.