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Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I like to make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?