Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
Definition: Brain - Your body`s hardest working organ. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, from birth until you...fall in love.
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti! I just want a future archaeologist to have a great day!
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
"Why?" - Socrates and four year-olds
just realised SATURDAY has the word TURD in it
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.