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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
Spontaneity is great ... as long as I have a plan.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?