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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
This pregnancy test confirmed my worst fear….. I’m just fat.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Cops don’t like it when they tell you to put your hands up in the air...then you wave them like you just don’t care.
Cats have been named the #1 pet held hostage by lonely women.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.