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To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work