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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call……
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.