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You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball