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Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
If you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with someone you love, celebrate it with alcohol and pizza.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.