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To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
Dear Tequila, you were supposed to make me funnier, smarter and a better dancer. I saw the video, we need to talk.
My house has really let itself go.
was going to argue with you...but then I remembered I really didn`t care
The longer I sit in this drive-thru, the more pennies I’m going to pay with.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".