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At a four way stop, it`s obvious that the vehicle bearing the most duct tape goes first.
Dumped my multiple personality girlfriend yesterday. She took it well, not so well, and she was really upset...
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
Iām not fat... my stomach is 3D.
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
I`m pretty sure there`s a chip in my car that turns all traffic lights RED...
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
My whole life is based on a true story...
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.