Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
If kids get money for losing teeth, what do I get for all this hair I’m losing?
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying