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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
If two wrongs don`t make a right, try three.