Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
My life coach just benched me.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss