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I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
A friend of mine asked what it`s like to raise a small toddler so I coughed directly in his mouth
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn’t change anything. It messes with your mind & steals your happiness.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.