Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.