Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar