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What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
My favorite thing about marriage is sharing a house with the person most likely to murder me.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.