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I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
The sperm bank is overpriced to store my stuff so if you come over, don`t use the cloudy ice cubes from the tray labelled "Future Champions"
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
I`m perfect you adjust.
That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards