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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
The best part of time travel will be sleeping until noon and making it to work on time at 8am.
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
If one teacher cannot teach every subject, then how come one student is expected to learn all the subjects.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
Just watched (insert title of horror movie) and it wasn`t scary at all. The crap in my pants is a pure coincidence.