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Yes I have a dirty mind ... And you`re on it!
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
I order all my food with extra gluten.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
If your phone doesn´t ring it´s me.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
I was named after my father. I don`t really like the name "Dad" though.