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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
A wise man, will often say nothing
My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Some of us are basically unpaid Facebook interns.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
My boyfriend asked me why I bother watching cooking shows when I cant cook so I asked why he bothered watching porn.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.