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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Coffee is just a hug for your insides.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?