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I just called. To say. I texted you.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.