Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
We all have that one friend who needs to learn how to whisper
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.
If two donuts are stuck together it counts as one right?