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Late to bed and early to rise, makes me really tired and pissed off.
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
I don’t need a reason to do stupid things, just a venue.
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
The people naming dinosaurs should teach the people naming hurricanes how to name stuff.
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
A murderer was about to be put to death in the electric chair. "Do you have any last requests?" asked the chaplain. "One," he replied. "Will you hold my hand?"
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.