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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
I really need to clean the house, but I`m thinking it`d be a lot faster to burn it down and start from scratch...
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
90% of being a dad is yelling about doors being left open while the air conditioning is running.
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment.