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I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it