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Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
If I had a time machine I`d go back to 900 A.D. and just scare the sh!t out of people with an electric toothbrush.
My inner self is in Photoshop
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
Why are we still testing on animals when there are pedophiles in prison.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.