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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
The hardest thing about returning to work after a long weekend is remembering to fart quietly.
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.