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Showing cleavage doesn’t fix your face.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this "problem" not heard of pizza and alcohol?
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up...
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, f*ck it. I`m going to be Spider-Man today.
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.