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I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
I don’t understand ads on porn sites. like who is ever in the middle of jerking off then goes like “woah! that’s the new detergent?”
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”