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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
We should not have trusted anything Charlotte wrote in her web. She was consistently talking out of her ass.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.