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We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: “Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?”
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
The song "Take me out to the Ballgame" is sung almost exclusively by people who are already at a ballgame.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?