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It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.