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I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
I often fantasize about lying naked in bed, surrounded by various bags of chips and I have octopus arms so I can eat all the chips at once.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Just remember, If we get caught you`re deaf and I don`t speak English.
This post is just for you.
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.